Waluigi Mangeone, the greasy, purple-clad chaos magnet, had heard the news: his twin brother, Luigi, had been arrested for allegedly offing a big-shot CEO. Waluigi saw a golden opportunity to rebrand himself. “If Luigi’s killing ‘em,” he muttered, swigging cheap wine from a garlic-shaped flask, “I’m gonna save ‘em—and get rich doing it!” Armed with a plan as poorly thought-out as his grooming routine, Waluigi targeted his first victim… err, client: Reginald Thumperbottom, the CEO of GoombaMed, a healthcare giant known for its premium rates and underwhelming customer service.
The rescue kicked off at GoombaMed HQ, where Waluigi burst through the revolving doors, spilling marinara sauce on his stolen three-piece suit. “Ladies and germs!” he announced. “Your CEO’s ass is in danger—and I’m here to save it!” The receptionist, unfazed, directed him to the 69th floor. There, Reginald was hosting a meeting with his executive team, debating whether to raise deductibles again. Waluigi crashed through the doors, pointing a toilet plunger like a gun. “This room smells like privilege and desperation,” he sneered. “Perfect combo for a kidnap attempt. Time to bounce!”
Reginald refused to leave, citing “stockholder commitments” and a standing massage appointment. Waluigi, never one to take no for an answer, dragged the CEO out by his monogrammed tie, muttering something about “taking one for the team.” Their escape was a disaster: first, Waluigi commandeered a company Segway, then promptly crashed it into a snack cart. “We’re being chased!” Waluigi screamed as a janitor waved a mop angrily. Reginald, humiliated but intrigued, followed the mustachioed lunatic into a janitor’s closet-turned-“safe house,” where Waluigi explained his fee: unlimited access to GoombaMed’s cafeteria and one weekend with the company yacht.
Just as Reginald was warming to Waluigi’s bizarre charm, Bowser burst in, having mistaken the whole scene as a hostage opportunity. “You’re too late, turtle tits!” Waluigi shouted, throwing a can of Axe Body Spray at Bowser’s head. In the ensuing chaos, Waluigi accidentally set off the sprinklers, short-circuited the building’s servers, and mooned Bowser as a distraction. Miraculously, it worked. Reginald was safely whisked away in a catering truck, though not before Waluigi stole a tray of hors d’oeuvres and loudly declared himself “the CEO of Success.”
By the next morning, Waluigi Mangeone was hailed as a hero—for reasons no one fully understood. He launched a new business, “CEO Savior, Inc.,” and claimed his methods were “90% effective, 10% sexy.” Meanwhile, Reginald quietly retired, leaving a handwritten note: “Never hire a Mangeone, but definitely invite him to parties.” Waluigi, of course, framed the note and proudly displayed it in his bedroom… right next to his collection of “rescued” mini-bar bottles.
Waluigi Coin 